1: the memory that SSMS uses is not controlled by the settings in SQL Server. Many people avoid installing SSMS on production SQL Servers to avoid it taking a lot of resources and making a problem for SQL Server. I get out of memory errors on my laptop when using SSMS intensively sometimes. It is something that happens and could take a server offline so could be a risk to live systems.
2: SQL Server settings should control the memory used by SQLServr.exe to a reasonable accuracy. I have never seen a server exactly match the value in the settings but under/over by 100MB when the setting is done in 10's of GB isnt so bad to be a concern.
3: Give SQL Server as much RAM as you can but be sure to leave enough for other processes on the server: at least 2GB for the OS and 2GB for other processes such as replication etc...
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